Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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