Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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