Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
