I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
