I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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