Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
