These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
