I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
