I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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