imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
