she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
