my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
