So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
