How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
