I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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