How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
