How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
