I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
