Betty ford says i'm here all night
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
