My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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