u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
