How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it's great music for shaving your balls
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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