Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
