in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
