I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
