handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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