I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
tell your sister to shave her snatch
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
