OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
