so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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