oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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