Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
