watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
