just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
