I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
