Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
