There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
