fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
