It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
