i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
