I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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