If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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