don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
