Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
