It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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