I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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