I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
