Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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