He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
