In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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