I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
