people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
